My Mother’s Eyes

Today I have been thinking of my Mother all day as I am waiting to hear how her eye surgery for cataracts went.

My Mother only has one eye as she lost the other at age three in an accident.  Her remaining eye is very important as you can imagine.  The fear before such a surgery is hard, as even if a small mistake and the slightest of blur occurs, then it will change her life.

Last night we did some intense healing codes together to bring her body into the highest state for healing. We also covered the fear that left unaddressed would hinder it.

All day the old song by Amy Grant,”Father’s Eyes” keeps playing in my mind.

When I was a kid I used to sing that song over and over thinking of God and how much I so wanted to be a better person. I still do, but today I hear those lyrics and think of my Mom.

“Eyes that find the good in things,

When good is not around;

Eyes that find the source of help,

When help just can’t be found;

Eyes full of compassion,

Seeing every pain;

Knowing what you’re going through

And feeling it the same.”

You see, these words are my Mom. I start to cry as I write this.

I haven’t always seen my Mom like this. I have been really frustrated with her over the years but as I look back on her life,  I see, she is an amazing woman.

She gave me a life a hundred times better than her own. She went through trauma after trauma from losing her eye to almost losing her arm. This woman basically raised 4 younger siblings and worked as a migrant worker traveling from field to field to help feed the family.

There was hardly time for any school and certainly no time for play. I won’t go into details of the abuse she endured as well but it makes me so sad and sickened at the thought.

My Mom never really understood me. We didn’t really understand each other. I couldn’t see that she had given me the life she had always wanted. She gave me space she never had. She made sure I never had to work very hard and even tried to stop me when I wanted to go pick the berry fields for extra money. She made sure I was protected, but to me, at the time it was a restriction. When I went through eating disorders as a teen, she wept and couldn’t understand how I could starve myself, when she went without the basics growing up.

We both did the best we could with the awareness we had at that time.

Yes, we made mistakes, but don’t we all? Over these last several years, while working with The Healing Codes, I realize that so much of the issues and pain I have dealt with, are things that I have inherited from her. As I have slowly uncovered and healed the emotional issues of my heart, I have seen much more clearly this beautiful woman I call Mom.

As I was using the codes to clear whatever I could find in myself, my feelings started changing. My Mother’s intention has always been to love me and keep me safe.  I believe I didn’t feel loved because she didn’t feel loved in her life. Possibly there was a  belief that she deserved all the pain she suffered, or maybe it happened because she felt she wasn’t good enough. All these emotions I have felt at one time or another.

As I have used my custom codes to heal layer after layer I have felt more complete.

I feel more loved than I have ever felt in my life and I LOVE my Mother more than I ever thought possible. I thank God for this wonderful tool and for giving me this time with my Mom, to really appreciate her for the exceptional person she is. I am proud to call her Mom.